Where Have I Been?

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At the time I’m writing this I’m still wondering if I should post this or not. But I saw somewhere that it can be good to write down what you feel. It helps you move on, and exteriorise. Today, I’m sharing what I could call one of the worst moments — summer— of my life.

I even thought I’d reached the very bottom when I now realize that I only reached the bottom and could someday reach the very bottom. Actually, I felt like everything was becoming useless – including myself. I only wanted people to leave me alone and let me stay in my bed — the only place that seemed to give me a bit of comfort. But, unfortunately for me, life goes on. You can’t run away from your responsibilities, I had a summer job I had to go to everyday, even though it felt like I was going to hell. I was crying every morning  till I got there, then I would put a fake smile on my face for the day and god only knows how freaking hard it was to find the strength in me not to cry in front of every person I was talking to. At night, I would cry. I even came to think that I would rather have an accident than continue driving to what seems like hell for me, everyday was worst than the previous one. I was exhausted due to my obvious lack of sleep. I was scared of Myself not understanding what could have possibly happened to me. I had become a girl disgusted about life. I put aside everything I would usually love to do — I tried my best not to completely put this blog aside, but I really was not active. I obviously lost my appetite too. It felt as if my life was continuing without me. But I would still wake up and go to work everyday because I had to.

I can say now that I’m stronger than I once thought I was, I don’t really know where I found the strength to fight. I of course went to the doctor who helped me get through this. And even though I still have some highs and lows I feel better, I don’t want to ever get back to the state I was in two months ago. I’m now starting to do what I liked before that. I’m starting to get my life back. So if you were —or were not— wondering where have I been this summer here is the answer.

As I said I’m still hesitating about posting this, but if I do, it will be because I thought it was worth posting it. Maybe because I wanted to let you know that we’re all humans. We all have our good and bad moments in life. It can’t always go right otherwise you wouldn’t be able to know that : You’re stronger than you think you are. The second reason why I could post this might be because a lot of us are going through this state. Actually, I realize that it made me grow up a bit, and I learned that life can be tough on you sometimes, but you can always find a way to rise up even though it can take time – depending on the person.

I may have felt like shit, even wondered if the end would be the solution, lets be honest it did crossed my mind. For a tiny second but it still did. But now I know this ordeal did taught me something : life is worth being lived, you can’t give up at the first obstacle, I’m young and who knows how many of them will cross my way? It was a bad moment not a bad life. I still don’t know where it came from but I guess you never really see this coming.

Hope I didn’t make you feel depressed reading this, I surely feel like I’m doing better everyday now, and I’m planning to maybe post an article about how to get your life back on track after I clearly put everything between brackets.

xx,

elsa-2

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